i miss being a child.

(taken from google)

But not in the sense of being able to get anything you want as most of you would think.

I am talking about the freedom that all children have - the freedom to become anything else you want to be as long as you dream for it.

It's quite amazing, really, how I seem to have more spank and confidence when I was young about what I wanted in life than I do now. I was a huge dreamer then. I remember wanting to become anything and everything.

I wanted to be a newscaster when my dad made me that fake carton box television.

I wanted to be an actress and a model because I enjoyed acting and people told me I was fit to be a model.

I wanted to be a stewardess when I first saw how elegantly beautiful they looked with their uniform on.

I wanted to be a teacher because I loved helping people out.

I wanted to be an artist because art was my life.

I wanted to be a writer because I liked being able to write anything I wanted.

Of course, being a kid you have the natural priviledge of dreaming. Heck, there are even children's toys out there that support and encourage children to be what they want (i.e. costumes, doctor barbies, etc.). They can dream and dream without being discouraged to pursue something and without being binded by the harsh, cold truth called reality.

Right now, I am standing in the middle of a crossroad. I am no longer that child who dreamed of being everything. Because if there is anything life has taught me, it's the fact that simply wanting and loving something would not get you anywhere. Dreams won't get you anywhere. You truly have to have what it takes to get there.

I miss those days when I could just say "I love art so I can do this!" with a big, happy smile on my face. Back then that was enough to keep me moving forward. But as I grow older and compare myself to other people, I don't even know if those words are enough to keep me pushing forward but leave me with a bitter taste of dread and trepidation.

I apologize for the post. I was playing this Japanese game I had for PlayStation 1 about five girls aspiring to be popstars, and listening/reading these characters talk about their dreams...it was so heartfelt that it made me so sad about myself.