(picture taken from google)
...but when you continuously provoke and attack me, all the while pretending that I do not see or hear any of these because you are under the impression that you have managed to fool me by not naming me directly, then, of course, I have to respond.
I would be honest with you: I am really, really tired of you and everyone else saying (behind my back, of all things) that I forget and do not care about you guys. I have had enough of this. And all of this because I could not call or text or chat or check out social network sites or whatever else you have the luxury of doing? I have always told you that I am truly sorry, that I feel horrible for not being able to hang out and talk to you all since I entered college, and I truly mean it. But here you are, accusing me of the same thing over and over again like I have wanted this to happen in the first place.
Have you ever wondered why I cannot talk to you or anyone else? Please, try to put yourself in my shoes for once. All this time, you are only looking at everything your way.
Okay. How about this: Let's just say I talk to you today. You are wondering what I would say? Well, this is mostly what I would have talked about:
I have eighteen units, which I really do not want but I am forced to have (read: dad). Heck, if having over eighteen units wasn't so much of a hassle to do, what with papers to fill up and everything, then he would have made me take more than that. Oh, how I wish he would just understand...
Because I have eighteen units, my days are always full. Even Thursday, the day when I only have one class (and supposed to be my Rest Day), I still have homeworks/projects/essays. And weekend? What weekend? I do not even feel like I am having vacation, for crying out loud!
...which is why the little free time I have is very precious to me, and I spend them mostly catching up some sleep, which admittedly I am not having that much anymore (min: 30 mins., max:3-4 hours). I try to spend that time for myself in isolation because I need a break from dealing with people almost 24/7. Even then I do not seem to get enough free time to do what I want to do. Sure, you could say that I play "stupid games", but you are forgetting something: time is my enemy. Hence, even though I do get to play for a little bit during those rare times, I keep watching out for the time that I cannot fully enjoy the game(s) I am playing.
I always go home tired - no, exhausted - and stressed out. Lately when I take a nap I have a very difficult time waking up to do my homework and everything. I am just that tired. If you are so adamant in knowing, then I will let you in a secret: I always cry at night because of all the stress I am experiencing since the beginning of college. I have no way of dealing with it and I just could not take it anymore. And no, he does not care. If it is any consolation (on your part, that is), he just makes things difficult for me for always doing things at a wrong time. But then, do you even care about that? I do not think so.
Thanksgiving break is not going to be a Thanksgiving break for me. Why? Because I have a.) to finish the 15 pages research paper for my Renaissance and Reformation class (due: Dec. 4th), b.) a collaborative scrapbook-like project for my Survey of World Art (Art History) that is due on the 10th of Dec., c.) study for a midterm that is coming up the week after Thanksgiving, d.) a 5-6 pages full-processed PACSEM essay that is due the week after Thanksgiving also, e.) possibly a few more sculpture projects to do, and quite horribly a sculpture project to do at home during Thanksgiving, f.) a full-processed, self-reflection essay for PACSEM that is due on the 14th of Dec., g.) midterm for Art History on the 17th of December, and, of course, h.) the finals that are coming up on the 12th-18th of December. If I ever survived this then that would be a miracle.
Just survived two big essay/presentation projects. Not being able to sleep in two days is definitely not fun.
I cannot even celebrate/have fun on my birthday because of the way things are. Don't you think that sucks?
I am a Studio Art Major (BFA), not a simple Art Major (BA). If you assume that it is the simplest major in the whole world, then you are sadly mistaken. It is quite the opposite. Heck, I would put its difficulty on par with science/mathematics majors. We are not allowed to start out with our major our freshman year for nothing, you know.
Most of the time, I just wear whatever I could easily slip on when I go to class compared to how I was my senior year. You got your wish now.
And then after this you would say I only talk about myself (and the same thing) over and over again. See that? The reason why I do not want to talk to anybody, on top of my lack of time to do those things, is that I do not want you to have to listen to me whine about the same thing over and over again. I know you, and I know how it would make me feel if I was in your place to begin with. You would surely think that I am too wrapped up in myself, which is not the case. How can I talk about anything else apart from this, really? Do you think that I have any life outside of college at the moment that would merit a decent conversation. Tell me about it.
I am not antagonizing you - I am merely defending myself from your accusations and vindictive indirect/passing comments about me. I am not going to apologize for being direct and blunt about everything in this post, but I do want to apologize for the length of this blog. I hope that in doing this you would finally understand my side and learn from it.
Despite of everything else, I still love you as a good friend. Please do not let this silly misunderstanding to estrange our friendship.
Thank you so much for reading. Have a good day.
Sincerely,
Karen
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